anxiety

This blog post serves as a life hack on how to recover… from anything!  Share this so you too can help others recover.

OMG the fatigue.  It’s something I wasn’t aware of before I went in for my hysterectomy but 9 days Post surgery, I’m quite aware of it now.  I recognize and respect it’s my body healing but damn, I’m already exhausted just moving my fingers enough to write the first two sentences of this blog.  

The recovery has been harder… much harder than I imagined.  Granted, my surgery was not just a grab and extract kinda of surgery.  My uterus was quite stubborn. It was adhered to my bladder, pelvic floor and colon.  So this turned out to be more than a routine procedure. On top of my stubborn uterus I had adenomyosis, endometriosis and cysts that all needed special attention.  Sounds like a fancy cocktail for pain. Cheers!

So, I guess this is one reason my recovery has been so damn annoying and painful. 

It wasn’t like I went into this surgery without any preparation. Before surgery I prepared myself for recovery mentally and physically.  I kept my body pure.  I prepared and consumed foods that supported blood building and reduced toxins.  I cleaned the house.  I even had a conversation with myself on how  I was going to allow my body to do what it needs to do.  Little did I realize that subconsciously I had hidden stipulations for my recovery …. “My body was going to do what it needs but it needs to be done in 7 days after surgery.”   I gave myself a time limit.  I’m strong.  I’m healthy.  My body can do this is 7 days right? 

Wrong. As I lay in bed the morning of day 8, I mentally prepare myself for a great day.  “Le’ts do this, Erika. Let’s get up, go for a walk. Record some yoga classes for my online membership.  Create some invoices. Create content. Oh yes, it’s going down today!”

I sit up.  Feet touch the floor.  I stop just to see how I feel.  Okay, so far… good! This is IT!  Standing, standing, stand… and vomiting.  All the while a little violin is playing in the back ground!  Lol

Have you ever been excited to be forced to be still only to set up conditions for that stillness.  So is that really stillness and going with the flow? Is that really allowing your body or life to do what it needs to do naturally?  No, that’s forcing it. And if there is anything I know and I preach from experience it’s don’t freakin’ force things to happen.  

Excuse me while I swallow this dose of my own medicine.  Gulp. Tastes a bit bland like hard-headedness followed by the sour taste of stubborn.  

So this morning, I was determined to not take my pain meds until noon so I can get my poor kids out of the house and buy them a toy or something.  But after 15 minutes out, exhaustion sets in. We hit up a local coffee shop and I should have turned around and went home. But no, we shall move forward… “onward to the toy store” ye say my ego.  

At the toy store I’m pretty sure I cut in front of someone in the checkout line. However, I was too tired to turn around and apologize and give her the spot back.  I could barely lift my hand to get my wallet out of my purse. The owner of the toy store looks at this lady behind me and says, “namaste.” Namaste in a way that means… ‘just breathe, it’s okay.”  I was even too tired to tell her that the context in which she used the word, Namaste was WAY wrong and disrespectful of the word and its origins. 

So here we are back home, the boys are back on devices, I’m back on the couch.  And we are all comfortable. And this is exactly where I should be right now. I got out because of my own need to see what was going on in the world.  I was hopeful that being around other people would give me some energy. But if I would have really listened to my body, I would have stayed home because I knew deep inside I wasn’t ready.  

Lesson learned on how conditional stillness can hinder us but unconditional stillness can help us let go.  First, we have to let go of those expectations of our self and our recovery. 

  I’ll continue to do my meditations.  Light stretching. Healthy eating (with the exception of gummy bears) and letting go of expectations.  I will accept that this is my recovery. And just as the extent of the surgery was unexpected, my recovery will not be as expected.  (Ohhhh those expectations will get us every time! )

When it’s time I will pick up right where I left off and then some.  Stillness brings wisdom and clarity. And with that we create forward movement.  So in actuality stillness is movement forward.  

We need to allow our body to take the lead.  We need to give our body time to

 do what is natural in order to heal.  We need to release expectations as they always cause aversions. 

As Abraham Hicks says in my favorite healing meditation, “It’s natural that it would take some time for my body to begin to align to my improved thoughts of Well-Being. There’s no hurry about any of this.”

Thank you to my friend Shari Heftel for sharing her beautiful version of this healing meditation.  I practice this meditation while in Legs Up The Wall position.  Please comment below if you would like this healing meditation.